“Separated” Weddings

Asalamu3alaykum

May Allah swt reward the people who have the best of intentions when having a separate wedding. And may Allah swt guide the people who still have no understanding what it means to have the wedding be separated (even while they are attending one).

Going to a separate wedding is tricky, because they’re not all the same. It’s not all the same degree of separation either. Sometimes it’s entirely separated, which is easiest to deal with if you cover. This means that there are no men in the womens’ section, and no rogue cameras with rogue owners (guests). Sometimes it is half separated, like the hall is separated but in order to get food you have to pass by the guys. That can get pretty annoying, so I’ll post some solutions to that one in a few inshaAllah. And sometimes it’s faux-separated, that’s where like there is no real barrier between the male and female section (or a really silly one, like something you can totally see through), the bride is visible to the men, and there are male waiters walking around like they own the place.

It’s best to ask the bride/groom what exactly will be the setup of the separated wedding way  beforehand (I’m talking like a month or so, or when they start planning), and if you can, to convince the bride/groom/wedding planner to make it so that it is fully separated and that will be easiest for the female guests. For example, suggest that there only be female waitresses on the females’ side. Also, highly recommend that they let their guests know “no videophotography” so that the sisters who uncover can feel safe and not worry that there will be pictures of them floating around the next day. And if you know in advance, that the wedding hall is not going to be entirely separated, then see the rest of the post to know what to do.

HOW TO HANDLE THE FOLLOWING WEDDINGS:

Entirely Separated – not much to worry about here, but just make sure that if you do end up in the background of someone’s picture, or in the forefront for that matter, that you politely ask them if you can see the picture and if you are in it, then just ask them to please delete it because you cover. Do all with the best of manners inshaAllah. So the wrong way to do it would be:

“Yo! Didn’t you see me walking by when you flashed that camera?! Gimme that! *snatch camera* Look! That’s me in the picture – DELETE IT! NOW!”

Half Separated – make sure the outer clothes you bring (hijab, abaya, niqab, etc) are very easy and quick to put on (so something without buttons and pins, preferably) and take off. When you enter the hall, just find out when they’re going to serve the appetizers and if it’s in a little while, then don’t take off your outer clothing until you get the appetizers/food, and then come back in. Then, you can take it off ‘cuz chances are, dinner won’t be served until like 4 hours later. Then, you can put your outer clothing back on and get dinner. OR you can have someone else, who doesn’t mind, get you appetizers and dinner. That way, you don’t ever have to change and leave. But make sure they don’t mind. Not like:

“Hey can you make a plate for me too? ”

“Why can’t you do it yourself? *bitter* …Whatever you say madam, at your service. *bows sarcastically* “

Faux-Separated – make sure you find out way beforehand if the wedding is faux-separated. That will save you a lot of time in getting ready because you will know that you’re not going to be able to take your outer clothing off at all. The plus about this is that at least there is some sort of division, so you can find a nice seat in a corner where the men actually can’t see you, but it’s so risky (especially with the male waiters walking around) that there’s no way you can uncover without having to cover up again 5 seconds later. If you already arrived at the wedding and only found out after you got there that it’s not entirely separated, but that it’s faux-separated, then say alhamdulillah, and remain calm. Greater calamities have happened. Stay for as long as you must, say salam to your friends and the other guests, give the bride your salam, then leave quietly. No need to create a scene or get upset. For example:

“This isn’t separated! …Arghh I got ready for nothing! Why couldn’t they just tell me before, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time!”

“Would you like some appetizer?”

“No I don’t want no appetizer, can’t you see how mad I am?! — I’ll be sure to send the bride a text about this tomorrow morning!”

In all cases, just say alhamdulillah and stay happy. There is fitnah where ever we go. The thing we have to keep our eye on is how we deal with the fitnah, and our imaan. Protect your imaan, no matter what. That is your priority. These weddings come and go and they only last a day or two. Don’t put your imaan on the line for a wedding. Hayaa and imaan go hand in hand. When one of them leaves, the other one goes with it. So protect your hayaa, protect your imaan.

And be grateful for what you have because there are places where the people have no idea what a separated wedding is, and they never even have faux separated weddings. Subhanallah

That’s it for now. I pray that this post is of some benefit to sisters who wear hijab, abaya, niqab.

wasalamualaykum

  1. #1 by Garment of Paradise on January 21, 2012 - 9:40 pm

    LOL, loved this

  2. #2 by ommalmuqarraboon on January 28, 2012 - 7:34 pm

    Asalamualaykum sis,

    I posted a video that may isA address what you were requesting in another one of your comments. May it be of benefit. Ameen :)
    May Allah swt make easy for you the path to His Pleasure. Ameen

  3. #3 by Bint K on October 20, 2012 - 7:12 am

    Assalamu alaikum warehmatullahi wabaratkatuhu ukhti. Jazakillahu khairan for this post. I could relate to every single point you made,every single one :)

  4. #4 by Bint K on October 20, 2012 - 7:24 am

    Sis,I’ve some doubts regarding something general. Should I ask them here in the comments section? Since the comments are withheld for moderation,you can read my msg and delete it after reading,and reply on my blog. I’ll do the same,read your msg and delete it after reading. Sorry for the inconvenience,I wouldn’t have given this idea if there was a private messaging option on wordpress.

    I’ve no problem giving my personal id to you :) I respect the fact that you may or may not want to share yours,and I absolutely understand that :) Hence I came up with this alternative.

    • #5 by almuqarraboon on October 20, 2012 - 7:27 am

      I usually do not see comments as soon as they are posted – we must both be awake lol. You can email me inshaAllah
      I will see if your concerns are something I can help with inshaaAllah :)

  5. #6 by Bint K on October 20, 2012 - 7:34 am

    Jazakillahu khairan :) I’m glad you’re awake,you made my ‘waiting for the response’ period just a few minutes long,Allhumdulilah :) I’ll send you an email soon,inshaAllah.

    • #7 by almuqarraboon on October 20, 2012 - 7:56 am

      Can you please leave a comment here when you have emailed? Then I will know to check it, as I have a few accounts :) wasalamualayki

  6. #8 by Bint K on October 20, 2012 - 3:39 pm

    Just read this msg. I sent you the mail :)

Speak your mind:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: